What Parents Need to Know About Teen Anxiety

Having spent over 14 years working with young people in educational settings, I have supported many teenagers experiencing anxiety in its various forms. One of the things I have learned is that anxiety does not always look how people expect it to look. In this article, I share some reflections that may help parents better understand what anxiety can look like and how they can support a young person who may be struggling.

Anxiety is a word that is used a lot, particularly amongst young people. Many teenagers will describe themselves as feeling anxious, worried, stressed or overwhelmed at different points in their lives.

It is important to remember that anxiety itself is not a bad thing. Anxiety is a normal human emotion that we all experience. In many ways, it is a healthy emotion. It can motivate us, help us prepare for challenges and show us what matters to us. If we feel anxious about an exam, a friendship or a new situation, it often means that we care about the outcome.

However, when anxiety becomes overwhelming and begins to have a significant impact on a young person's day-to-day life, it may be a sign that extra support is needed. If there are concerns about an anxiety disorder, this is something that should be discussed with a GP.

Anxiety Doesn't Always Look The Way We Expect

When parents think about anxiety, they often imagine a teenager who is visibly worried, struggling to leave the house or experiencing panic attacks. Sometimes anxiety does look like this, but not always.

One of the things I have noticed over the years is that anxiety can present itself in ways that are far less obvious.

Sometimes it shows up as anger or irritability. When a young person appears angry, it can be helpful to wonder what might be sitting underneath that anger. Quite often, fear, uncertainty or worry is hiding beneath the surface.

Anxiety can also look like perfectionism. A young person who feels worried about exams, friendships or their future may try to manage those feelings by taking control wherever they can. From the outside, this may look like working exceptionally hard or setting very high standards for themselves, but underneath there may be a significant amount of anxiety.

Other signs can include:

• Difficulty sleeping

• Changes in appetite

• Withdrawing from family or friends

• Avoiding activities they would usually enjoy

• Becoming unusually quiet

• Spending more time alone

• Increased self-criticism

Not every young person will experience anxiety in the same way, which is why it can sometimes be difficult to recognise.

When Should Parents Be Concerned?

All teenagers feel anxious at times. Adolescence brings many changes, challenges and uncertainties, and feeling worried from time to time is a normal part of growing up.

The question is often not whether anxiety is present, but how much it is affecting everyday life.

Parents may want to seek support if anxiety is beginning to affect their teenager's ability to:

• Attend school

• Maintain friendships

• Sleep well

• Eat regularly

• Enjoy activities

• Take part in everyday life

If anxiety appears to be having a significant impact on a young person's wellbeing, it may be helpful to speak with a GP or another appropriate professional.

Growing Up in Public

One challenge that many young people face today is that so much of their life feels visible to others.

Social media can create pressure to look a certain way, achieve certain things and keep up with peers. Young people are often comparing themselves to carefully edited snapshots of other people's lives, without always recognising that what they are seeing is rarely the full picture.

There can also be a feeling that everything is being recorded or shared. For some teenagers, this creates pressure to always look good, say the right thing or avoid making mistakes.

Alongside this, many young people feel pressure to make important decisions about their future at a surprisingly young age. They may worry about choosing GCSE subjects, university courses or future careers long before they feel ready.

Friendships, identity, bullying, academic pressure and family changes can all add to the picture.

Not every young person struggles with these pressures, but for some they can feel overwhelming.

Communication Matters

If there is one thing I wish more parents knew, it is that communication matters.

Teenagers naturally become more independent and often spend more time in their rooms as they grow older. This is a normal part of development. However, it is still important to create opportunities for connection.

This does not have to involve long or difficult conversations.

Sometimes it is simply about creating regular moments together. Sharing an evening meal, taking a short walk or spending time together without distractions can provide opportunities for conversations to happen naturally.

Questions such as:

• What made you laugh today?

• What was difficult today?

• What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

can sometimes open the door to meaningful conversations.

It can also be helpful for parents to share aspects of their own day. Young people benefit from seeing that everybody experiences challenges, setbacks and worries from time to time. It helps to normalise difficult feelings and shows that they do not have to manage everything alone.

How Counselling Can Help

One of the first things I often do when working with young people is help them understand what is happening in their brain and body when they feel anxious.

Many find it reassuring to learn that their symptoms make sense.

When we perceive a threat, the brain's alarm system can become activated. The brain does not always distinguish between a genuine danger and a situation that simply feels threatening, such as being asked a question in class, sitting a test or worrying about how others might judge us.

When this happens, the body's fight, flight or freeze response can take over. Young people may experience:

• A racing heart

• Shallow breathing

• Feeling shaky

• Headaches

• Nausea

• Difficulty concentrating

These symptoms can feel frightening, particularly if they do not understand why they are happening.

Part of counselling involves helping young people make sense of these experiences. Together we might explore what triggers their anxiety, identify patterns and learn practical strategies to help them feel more grounded when anxiety arises.

For some young people, simply having a space where they can talk openly, without judgement and without worrying about upsetting those around them, can be incredibly valuable.

A Final Thought

If there is one thing I would want parents to take away from this article, it is that anxiety is a normal part of being human.

Everybody experiences anxiety at some point in their lives.

The concern arises when anxiety begins to have a significant impact on a young person's ability to engage with everyday life.

You do not need to have all the answers. Often, the most important thing a parent can offer is a willingness to listen, stay curious and create opportunities for connection.

Small, everyday moments of understanding can make a bigger difference than we sometimes realise.

Further Support

If you are concerned about your teenager's anxiety and would like to explore whether counselling might help, I offer a free 15-minute phone or online consultation. You can get in touch via my contact page.